Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
