Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
