don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
