I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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