Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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