Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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