Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
