I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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