Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
