This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
