This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
