He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
