Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
