My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
