cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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