I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think my moral compass just broke
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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