I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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