So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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