We named our party play list daddy issues
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Randomize
