Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
