I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize