I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
