Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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