question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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