Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
