Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
