I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
