The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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