I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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