Do you still have your period?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
