He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
