You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
