i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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