I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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