How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
