great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
