He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
