did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
