i need an iv and a liver transplant
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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