Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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