My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
