marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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