dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
