It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
