I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
