I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
