He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
