Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i think i just lost a toe
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
