You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
