My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
