Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
