I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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