ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
