I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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