had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
