If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
