why didn't you poke me back
thus making me awesome and them whores
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
