I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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