He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
