the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't put those talents on a resume
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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