This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
