Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the day after is always just damage control
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
