It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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