I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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