i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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