in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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