i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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