I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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